Pink Crayons, Changes and Gratitude

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It appears that time continues to march on. This picture is already a few weeks old and the willow tree is devoid of any leaves, but I thought the picture a fitting one for this post. It captures all three things on my mind today: colorful and beautiful pictures, seasonal changes, and the feeling of Thanksgiving which happens to be only a few days away.

Early in the life of this blog, I combined the story of the Pink Crayon with my direction and purpose to sharing what I do. The take away from the story of the pink crayon is simply this: You can’t give up coloring even when your favorite color isn’t available. I’ve shared my own personal adaptation of this principal to my longing to become pregnant and be a mom many times over the years. Most often, it has been with the sweet young women I have had the pleasure of working with in the church. Well, last night at a fireside, I had one of those girls come up to me and as she hugged me and expressed her excitement at my recent news she exclaimed, “Sister Schwendiman! You can finally color with your pink crayon!!” Tears welled in my eyes at her comment. She is the second of some of my former young women who have reminded me of my pink crayon and it’s sudden arrival in my box. I am humbled.

I thought I understood a bit about times and seasons of life. What I failed to see, was my perspective was limited – the Lord’s is not. I convinced myself that my time and season of raising small children was coming to a close, much like the picture of fall. This spring will bring more than new leaves to these trees, it will bring a greater realization of the miracles of rebirth and renewal. So often, the greatest challenges in life produce the most unexpected and joyous blessings. This is my corrective lens on the topic of times and seasons: Our goal isn’t to control them, it’s to simply enjoy the beauty of each season and find peace in the master who created them.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I feel my heart overflowing with the goodness of the Lord’s blessings in my life. It is a miracle that as life is slowly being snuffed out for my dad, I can at the same time feel it slowly growing anew in me. As I sat a funeral this morning, I realized again how truly amazing the gift of life is. It can change on a dime. Every day we have with our loved ones is precious.

So Little One,

It is with a glad and full heart that I write to you today. I am happy to tell you, we are both doing exactly what they tell us we should be doing. You are growing and developing and I am doing all I can to help aid you in your efforts. I am amazed at the reality that you have already reached the milestone of developing all essential structures so soon! From your heart to brain to eyes and fingers – you are a little wonder! We are approaching the milestone of reaching the second trimester in just a few short weeks.

I seem to be adjusting better too, I’m still more tired but not quite as drastic as it’s been. Thanks again for not making me sick. I really don’t think I could have handled that. I’ll still take issue with you about the bladder though. 😉

Admittedly, I still shake my head in awe that you are really real. Every day I wake up praying that you will be well, do all you need to so you can be strong and healthy and develop normally. Every night I thank our Heavenly Father that we’ve made it one more day. Every day is a gift.

I wish I could help you know and feel the level of excitement and love from so many people. I am overwhelmed at the response to the news of your conception. Every day I see someone else that embraces me with tearful smiles and warm thoughts of great joy and hope for all that you are and will be. Among some of the most joyous well wishers are girls I’ve had in young women over the years. I got to sit next to one of my former beehives (though well over 15 years ago now!!) in the temple last week. That was really special and she cried upon my news of being pregnant, she was so happy for us. You are my pink crayon, little one. The one color that wasn’t in my box of crayons for all these 21 years. Now I feel like I have an entire box of pink crayons! Thank you. Thank you for all the joy you are bringing, all the hope you embody and all the love you have already generated.

Have I told you how amazing you are?!

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