Thursday – Well, Little One, it is offical. You really are growing inside me.
How I marvel at this concept! They tell me you are that little jelly bean inside the black circle and that the white dot in the middle is your precious little heart. Words, cannot express the feelings as I watched that little light flicker on the screen and no amount of control could keep the tears from flowing. You are real. This is real.
I think the doctor may have been even more shocked and excited than I was yesterday at the appointment! I was so nervous sitting in the room waiting. I started thinking after all the congratulations from the nurses that maybe the doctor would come in to tell me their test was negative; confirm my past experience that it wasn’t real, that you weren’t real. So when he walked in and said, “So you think you’re pregnant?” I only managed to respond that I guessed I didn’t believe the test and that was why I was there. He started looking at the charts and said he didn’t seem to have enough information, and asked if I’d received all the forms. Of course, I didn’t know the answer to that but told him I’d filled out everything they gave me. Then he started to pull a form out of the file and ask me to spend a few minutes filling in the top portion, but as he handed it to me he saw the zero I’d written in the top corner for numbers of previous pregnancies and he paused. He said, “Wait, you’ve never been pregnant?” When I confirmed this he let out a slow “Oh!” Then he looked at my birthdate and calculated my age and said again, “Oh!!” He smiled at me then and said, “One thousand one, one thousand two…” and we both laughed. I told him yes, deep breaths were what I’d been focusing on. Then he asked about your siblings and I said yes you had two ages 16 and 11 and he said, “One thousand three, one thousand four…” Another giggle as he processed the impact of your arrival. He looked over more papers in the folder and then said we needed more information. That ultra sound was the information needed and there you were! Daddy was with us for that part and holding my hand as we watched. Perfect and where you were supposed to be with all the right measurements and healthy little heartbeat.
The outpouring of love and support from those we’ve told is already overwhelming. Everyone is so excited for all of us and for you to join our family ranks. You truly are a celebrated miracle already. Several people have already told us they’re putting our names on temple prayer rolls and that makes my heart glad. A good friend of mine who also had a baby at this age reassured me today not to worry about anything, that it was her best, easiest and most healthy pregnancy and her baby was wonderful. By the way, this means you have a lot to live up to already as I’m fully expecting you to be a wonderful, content and blissful child! You should also know daddy has already received the first of many months of ribbing and jokes about 21 years of “shooting blanks” and “finally figuring things out”. He’s a great sport and a great example for you.
I’m still feeling fine. I can tell that things feel different in my body. Today I am extremely tired. As I love sleep, this isn’t a hardship for me so I plan on getting full measure out of the justification for naps! Any by the way, what was up with this morning at 4 a.m.? Could you not sleep either? At least we got in another hour or so this afternoon and I’m ready for bed now even though it’s only 6:30 p.m.! I’ve started all the supplements the doctor prescribed and I have to say, I feel like I’m popping pills all the time now – vitamins, progesterone, potential nausea aids…but it makes me feel proactive in doing what I can to protect you and offer you every help for a great start.
Another day has come and gone. We’ve made it another day. I suppose this is how it’s supposed to be, just one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow I hope to share more with you about the reactions we’ve received from so many good friends and family who love us and already love you. But tonight I am too tired to think straight, so I’ll close for now.
Please know how amazing you are. Please know how much you are prayed for. Please know what a little miracle you truly are my Little One.